Together, we had navigated so many life changes: a year in Japan, multiple careers, infertility, a near-death experience and three kids. We’d known each other since junior high school and started dating in the first year of university. After all we’d been through, to accept that this was the end of our marriage and almost 21 years together left me heartbroken and numb.
![gay men making out in car pics gay men making out in car pics](https://c8.alamy.com/comp/T3AG1T/two-man-gay-couple-kissing-on-cheek-outdoors-while-sitting-on-car-hood-T3AG1T.jpg)
We had spent the past two years on an emotional roller coaster, discussing (oh, so much discussing) his burgeoning attraction to men, trying to incorporate it into our marriage. Deep down, some part of me knew it would. “Did you brush your teeth?” I asked them. I went on autopilot and focused on the imminent gathering of 10 kids that we were taking on a field trip to the Children’s Book Bank for the next few hours. But as to what I said? It’s a complete blank. I can vividly recall the defeat in Mike’s face and how he could barely look me in the eye.
I wish I could tell you what I said in response, but I can’t. As our kids stacked breakfast dishes in the kitchen, my husband, Mike, looked up from across the table and said, “I’m gay.”
![gay men making out in car pics gay men making out in car pics](https://www.rollingstone.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/11/Pumping-Dangerous-Fad-in-Gay-Mens-Community-Peter-Dovak-lede.jpg)
Our three kids were clearing the table-an onslaught of nine-year-olds were arriving any minute for my daughter’s book club. One Saturday morning last fall, my marriage ended before I even had a chance to finish my coffee.